Years ago I'd been bombarded with many downloads. Enough to keep someone busy for decades. If I'd had more self-awareness, I'd have recognized the time, patience, and the rest needed to integrate it all. Peaceful calm is a great medium for the transfer of knowledge. Excitement, on the other hand, can be a liability. But I'd never known a lasting peaceful calm, and had adapted to the world without it.
As a result, instead of taking a decade or two to sit with this challenging knowledge I began to excitedly perform a kind of magic. Without much thought, I projected this energy toward people I valued. You might think of it as prayer. Deep meditations and visualizations in which I intended, "I love this person and intend they could see what I see, and know what I know." This was nearly a scriptural refrain in my life, and one person in particular received that intention (knowingly or unknowingly) many times over a few years.
It wasn't that I felt I knew more and better. But what I did see seemed missing from this wise one's perspective. Part of my wish was to not feel so lonely in the reality I observed. Part of my wish was to see this person freed of various rigidities that reinforced a joylessness. And part of my wish was an egoic desire to be validated in someone else's eyes. In every way, however, I was like a 9-year old with his first BB gun. I simply wanted to shoot and hit my target.
You'll Shoot Your Third Eye Out
In the famous movie A Christmas Story, young Ralphie asks mall Santa for a BB gun, and Santa warns, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid." It's a repetitious, heavy foreshadowing in the movie, leading to the moment his very first shot ricochets to hit him in the face.
I, too, was warned. But I was just as insistent as Ralphie. Maybe I would have gone through with it even knowing what I know now.
It was as if the cost of having my intention carried forth was to experience the energy rebounding back toward me imprinted with my target's insights. Rather than holing up with my material to take it all in, I entangled myself with someone else, producing a flood of more to deal with.
And so, what happened across years was the unexpected and quite painful integration of things another knew, and that I'd been in denial about. You see, I'd never considered how disruptive these perspectives were to one another. My compulsion is to simply keep striving for more information, more integration - a better map. And I wanted to share the joy of discovery in a mutually beneficial exchange. Because wouldn't everyone want what I wanted?
The Gift of Fools
A favorite quote by James Baldwin comes back to me again and again.
"We cannot possibly expect, and should not desire, that the great bulk of the populace embark on a mental and spiritual voyage for which very few people are equipped, and which even fewer have survived. They have, after all, their indispensable work to do, even as you and I."
I understand it. I'm slow to integrate its wisdom, but learning day by day.
This polarity - my voraciousness versus Baldwin's take on the majority - suggests an important way to explore humanity right now. People ask "If there are aliens or higher beings, why don't they help us?" People wonder why humanity doesn't grow and change. Maybe right now it's not best for every young boy to have a BB gun. Maybe we should be grateful they don't.
It's taken me years of disorienting, crazy-making, painful struggle for my mind to hold what I see alongside some of the wisdom of another psychic human. To pull together very different ways of engaging life and reality, and create a unique harmony.
I hope it's been more fruitful, and less painful, for the people upon whom I haphazardly imprinted myself. Even so, I cannot deny part of me still hopes something stuck. Especially the part about surrendering to paradox and contradiction.
Why would a being who sees all descend to immerse in ignorance, and become The Fool?
Something different happened in this evening's meditation. If you're into meditation, you might say it was more of the nothing than usual.
As soon as I sat down, I was flooded with the thought/feeling/sense of a friend I had in the 12th grade. Dunno why. Only saw him once in the past 35 years, don't know him, it's not a thing.
It felt like an intense request, so I pushed lots of love as light pouring through his heart and life. Waves of good energy. I visualized a host of heavenly beings around him helping, asking for him to receive support. It became clear we're connected across lifetimes. Now, something is wrong. He seems to be drowning in a major life crisis. So considerable time and energy was spent showering this person with love. Even now as I type this I do it. The meditation then flowed to a staircase (an unexpected visual) offering to take me upward.
Skipping steps in this tale, I found myself pointing at Thoth. Puffy clouds, heavenly light, glowing beings, the whole thing. Let go, more and more. I flashed a visual of my palms turning upward and opening arms, a gesture of surrender. Then resumed melting consciousness into the ether.
I popped, surprisingly, into a large space. It felt like I was 5 inches tall on a long table, in a room of giants. I saw no particular forms but sensed presences of this scale in the room. Without hearing clear speech, I sensed them discussing Earth and the galaxy. I felt like a newly refurbished pawn offered to the players of an immense game. There's a conversation happening around me in energy form, and only glimpses of fragments of textures trickle through my awareness. So I continue filling my being with light, projecting love, letting go, melting consciousness.
"Is he ready?" someone (or some thing) inquires. The vibe's neutral, neither pro nor con. It's even more apparent I was presented by someone...to some group... for some thing. What's protocol in a situation like that? I just kept melting into the ether.
I sensed an invitation to be reconfigured. Perhaps this sounds dramatic. I've had this before. With this came an awareness I'd have to shed/release more of the human world. In an instant I perceived layers of Christianity's influence on American consciousness.
Not that this concept was new to me. But a portion of the confinement of my own consciousness, and the effort required to melt it into the ether, is due to Christian thought structures embedded throughout the public consciousness here. Absorbed over my lifetime through every interaction, conversation, movie and media. Perhaps absorbed over many lifetimes.
It's embedded in morality, humor, social politics, relationships, and general expectations. Christianity's influential even in the "liberated" woo woo community's conceptions of the energetic economy, and how transactions work.
Its girders help structure the default frames of how to approach and interpret common, day to day reality. It's mostly unnoticed in general. Highlighted in educated circles, yes, but seemingly unobserved in the fabric of individual "non-christian" minds. Or minimized. As if the Self were somehow distinct from the ocean in which it forms. Like a fish arguing its independence from water.
As a meditator you get used to letting it all go. But it's there to let go. And in this moment there's the offering, it seems, to relieve me of this piece. To be freer than when I started.
Then it Gets Weird
Energy started to flow. This I opened to receive enthusiastically. Usual weird stuff happened. Trippy physical sensations, energy surging through me. Etcetera. I opened wider, let go more. I understood, somehow, that I'd be released from the Christian frame while also understanding that I really didn't know what was going on.
Then came the imagery. I don't usually get imagery. Sometimes I can go somewhere and tell you everything that happened without seeing a thing. But on this occasion...
The setting, bathed in bright golden light, was something akin to the architecture of Asgard (as in the Thor movies). But not. Anyway, it was "way up there."
A pair of hands is taking/removing something from atop my head. As they move down into my vision again, they're holding a metal helmet with a Greek cross cut through the front. The mind will flow more easily, now. The confines of American Human will be loosened, facilitating more direct connection with All That Is.
In the moment I sense this is one of a series of restructurings I may experience. Layers of confinement to be released one by one. As I write this now, I sense there's observation going on. Monitoring. Let's see what you do with this before we take things further.
I wonder if my friend across lifetimes and I were together in Christianity's early days. Perhaps in its proliferation. Maybe in this life my friend, who likely hasn't spent the decades deconstructing reality as I have, is in crisis because it's time to be liberated in ways he hasn't prepared for. Yes, perhaps the initial step upward in my meditation, helping him, was not arbitrary at all.
Those who can must support those who can't. Or else the whole falls apart.
"Is he ready?"
Are we ready?
I think I'll be sending energy his way for days.
I recently discovered this letter on the Internetz and according to this article, it's legit. The background is simple. High School teacher asks students to write authors and ask them to visit the school. Kurt Vonnegut, a successful American author, was the only one to respond...
Tearin' It Up and Doin' It Again
The Buddhists whisper about impermanence as they construct and destroy their sand Mandalas. The physicists are starting to talk, as Dirk Gently did, The Fundamental Interconnectedness of All Things. Everything is alive, interacting with everything else, in an ever-mutating unstable "reality." And here's Mr. Vonnegut advocating a similar vibrant approach to our own Self and Life. We see the universe creating stars and galaxies and civilizations, then tearing them up and doing it again. Why not join in the fun?
This site's been built, torn down, and rebuilt along with another website multiple times over the years. I briefly published a book and then decided "Eh, let's keep this one for me." No hero, here. No one celebrates the unseen (and questionable quality of) bits of paper at the bottom of a bin. As Mr. Vonnegut suggests, it wasn't about the "quality" or popularity of the work, but about the internal discoveries within Self along the way.
Part of the discovery for me has been "What's it like to expose myself and these discoveries to the world?" MattSeven.com has been a public playground attempting to capture this spirit. I doubt it can become something more stable or socially relevant than "What's it like when I do this?"
One of the beautiful things coming from this framework was how it became easy to integrate all the mind-expanding ideas turning the world upside down right now. From psychonauts promoting culture and identity as "cool tech," to the Quantum Mechanics crowd suggesting our thoughts ripple through reality - past, present, and future.
You see, the bits at the bottom of the bin are only one representation of creative energy that ripples outward for eternity. Perhaps somewhere out there the energy bumped photon into an electron. Maybe something cool will happen. Maybe it's bounced back from somewhere out there, and nudged something in my present or future. Altered the spin of an electron just the right way...
And it's all little bits of paper at the bottom of a bin. So keep making more.
MattSeven is an amalgam of Matt (first name) and Seven (a multidimensional collective). Matt has moved from Skeptic to Psychic to Meditator across decades. His focus, now, is helping Earth through its ongoing birth process, its transition to a higher state of consciousness. And he doesn't expect anyone to read this. It's just for funsies.